Well, I’m just now realizing I’ve not been here for all of 2021. Where have the months gone?
To catch you up here, I’m doing as well as can be. I’ve started streaming gameplay on Twitch! I definitely have not caught up to April poems. I’m still freelancing and trying not to panic because I’m in my mid-20s and it’s difficult to earn a living. Just normal human things when you’re trying to survive a pandemic.
I’m taking this time to write down a little progress report because I haven’t been setting time aside to write it down on my planner. This way, I hit two stones with one stone. No, we don’t hit birds in this household.
In hindsight, 2021 is turning out to be level more challenging than 2020, but the build-up is grand. The hurdles I face remain the same: difficulty in focusing, bad days, or simply things out of my control. Then there are days like today, when I have both the motivation and the energy to work on projects I’ve put on hold for longer than I would prefer.
Another thing I realized is that most of the bad days are a result of previous ones when I would, whether consciously or not, compare my progress with others. I am in my mid-20s now, after all, and hustle culture is everywhere. Normally, I wouldn’t be as bothered, knowing that while I am the human that I am and there’s only so much I can do, we achieve things as we are meant to, and that I am capable of doing what I put my mind to. It can all be confusing and hard to remember at times, but on the good days, I know and I can.
If you’ve found yourself struggling, for days, weeks or even years, know that I am right there with you. You are not alone. You are free to take your time, especially to take care of yourself. It is not easy, it is not simple, and if it were, everyone would be successful. And even then, your success is yours to measure. I heartily disagree that there is only one direction we must go. With the countless ways we can be different from each other, there has to be the many multitudes of endings we can have.
Rare are the days when I forget how lucky I am with my lot in life. Everywhere I look, I have reminders in place. At times, they can be stifling, because I wonder what I ever did to deserve them and how in the world I could possibly earn my keep. It takes a lot to shift my sails and remember to just do my own best, and that’s as much as I can do. Whatever your lot and luck in life, know that, no matter what, you can do your best.
Forget about speed, velocity, and acceleration (yes, I definitely had to look them up again because it’s been a while since I actually thought about them), and the rate of which you can achieve as much as the next person. Sure, feel free to challenge yourself to step up to the plate, but make sure that if you fall short — and you quite possibly may — forgive yourself. And when someone ask you, “How fast can you go?” pause for a moment and remember that darling tale of the tortoise and the hare.
That’s basically what I’ve been up to in the last 6 months, trying to work on projects amidst subtle breakdowns. It’s almost a constant struggle, but I’m hanging in there. Not to worry, I’m sticking around and doing my utmost to work on my beloved projects. Hopefully, it doesn’t take me another half a year to check in here. But if I do, hope I have something better to show for it 🙂
In any case, I keep a somewhat regular schedule streaming on Twitch, and I’m having a lot of fun. Meeting fellow game enthusiasts is always awesome. Productivity streams are also part of the plan, but nothing too concrete as of yet. But yes, playing games definitely distracted me from doing the April poems, which is not ideal. Always shifting sails and adjusting schedules to make it work, yet I can’t complain!
I hope you are all doing well. And if not, do you best anyway. I believe in you.
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A Box of Gales 