What a year it has been. I’m sure all the words have been said about it. Here’s my contribution anyway.
At the risk of sounding insensitive, my 2020 was as restful as it was stressful. For the longest time, I’ve been saving for shelves for my books, a room that functioned well, and equipment to support my considerably moderate goals. Or should I say “trying to save up”? In any case, it had taken me a long while to get anything prior to quarantine; micro-purchases stacking up, and all that.
I was determined to make my space comfortable, at the very least, so I have somewhere to retreat to regardless of how badly this year might have gone. Thankfully, my luck has been holding up and my loved ones are mostly safe and well. I can only wish the same for everyone else.
That said, I’d like to close this year with a post to encompass a concept for a short series I’ve wanted to flesh out for a few months now. For the time being, I hope it serves as a bit of comfort to you that time passing by this year was almost incomprehensible, something I’m sure everyone can relate to, even just for a little bit.
Seconds
Passing by often too quick to notice, but as an impatient person, I confess even having to wait for a few is unnerving for me. One can’t deny that, more often than not, seconds fly by too fast. Probably the most frustrating part about them? How you can feel well one second, but entirely badly for the next one.
Hours
Probably the measurement of time that confuses me the most, if only because my brain registers numbers weirdly. I assume it’s sooner or later than it really is, and I get surprised when the hour is different from what I thought. I notice it the most when I’m spending time with my loved ones, and I realize so much time has passed compared to what felt like minutes.
Days
Either running at the speed of a chase or at a turtle’s pace — there is no in-between, especially this year.
I was fortunate enough to work from home for a grand majority of it, and stay employed until three days before Christmas. I got to build a new routine, stay comfortable in the safety of home, and make my space the most comfortable it’s been all my life. But, damn, did the days run long. And then there are those days that ought to have felt like… More, but they didn’t — all quite confusing, as if we are all frozen in purgatory.
Weeks
Typically, weeks go by so fast, despite starting off so slowly each time. Then, there are the weeks that are over before you know it. And it was even more apparent being stuck at home for what seems like forever. One silver lining? Finally finding a pattern, figuring out the flow to how my brain can efficiently process information.
It wasn’t easy at first, being that I tend to be consistently erratic, but I eventually got to practice being mindful of my mental headspace. The key is to check in with yourself every once in a while until you become familiar with how your brain works.
Then, it’s a matter of course-correcting; with baby steps, you can improve on your habits and set up systems to support the goals you’ve set for yourself.
Months
By the time November rolled around, we learned we were all Quarantine Scorpios. Nothing is more mysterious than the fact that each month since feels like March, but weeks upon weeks longer. Probably for the majority of us, 2020 coming to a close remains unbelievable, simply because it feels like we’ve accomplished nothing in the hard, harrowing time that has passed.
I’d like to try and reassure you that you didn’t accomplish “nothing”. You’ve survived such a difficult experience that you’ve probably not gone through before. This is a considerable win to celebrate.
We as a people have gone through straits that may be just as bad, if not entirely worse. But none of us would sign up to having a tough year — if there’s one thing we all have in common, it’s that we’re here to have a good time. Unfortunately, life isn’t that forgiving. But I hope you do your best to forgive yourself anyway. I know it’s something I’m still working on myself. And should you need company, you can always reach me here.
TL;DR: It’s been an incredible year, insofar as it’s unbelievable, not necessarily that it’s good. Still, if I could wish something for all of you and have it come true just in time for 2021, it’s that you get the chance to begin again, make something new, and create the life you want to live, even if it takes you a while to get there.
Thanks for sticking around. I hope to see you all again in the coming year!
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A Box of Gales 